


burn higher, burn brighter

by aceklaviergavin



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Families of Choice, Fire, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-27 22:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16711501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceklaviergavin/pseuds/aceklaviergavin
Summary: five times caleb played with fire(widomauk if you squint)





	burn higher, burn brighter

**Author's Note:**

> can you believe i've been here like 3 years and i've never posted cr fic

i.

Hair the color of the setting sun whips around a young boy’s face, as bolts of fire dance from his fingertips. A falling leaf evaporates in a shower of sparks, and another, and another, to laughter like windchimes.

“ _Mutti_! _Vati_!” the boy calls around a wide, toothy grin.

A woman with the boy’s eyes stops tending the garden. “ _Ja_ , _Schatzi_?”

An errant fire bolt zaps a fruit fly, unbidden. The woman drops her trowel and runs to scoop the boy into her arms, uncaring of the dirt under her fingernails. She smooths dirt and mud over his forehead as she peppers kisses over his round, rosy cheeks. And they both laugh, like tinkling bells, indescribably happy.

_Oh, child. Don’t you know?_

 

ii.

Older, but still a boy, flames reflect in his eyes as he listens to his family’s screams.

But he is a soldier and he will not falter here.

Fire bursts forth from his hands, licking up the side of his home in an unquenchable flame. Sparks burn his skin, and the heat is nearly unbearable. But he is a soldier and he bears it until the house is consumed with flame the color of his father’s hair.

His home blackens, curls, and crumbles into ash, while his parents scream. They beg for mercy, and then—

“Caleb? Caleb!”

They call his name. They try to find him in the flames; they could try to escape but instead they look for someone they will never find.

It’s a shock to his heart. On the verge of death, all they can think of is their son’s safety. He falls to his knees as everything he loves burns to ash. And he is not a soldier, but a boy. Regret seizes in his heart.

He listens to his name over the crackle of a raging inferno, and he realizes he cannot undo this. He can _never_ undo this because his magic is fire, and fire can only burn.

How foolish. To think he could play with fire and not get burned.

 

iii.

He watches Lorenzo stab through Molly’s heart.

Just days ago they were dancing and laughing in Hupperdook and for the first time in years Caleb could almost forget his sins.

And now Molly lies dead at his feet.

Molly, who had made him laugh, who had pulled him from his nightmares with a kiss and something akin to understanding.

And he’s _helpless_ , as Molly dies on Lorenzo’s blade, and he can do _nothing_ , and it’s just like watching his childhood home go up in flames. He cannot turn back time, he cannot save his friend, someone he could almost call _family_.

Because fire _burns_ , and _destroys_ , and _takes_ but it cannot _heal_.

He cannot bring Molly back.

All he can do is hold fire in his hands and _wait_ and it’s the hardest thing he’s ever done.

And the flame sputters out, uncast, just like Molly.

 

iv.

He cannot bring back Molly.

But he can make the bastard pay.

With the same spell he showed his _Mutti_ all those years ago, his first spell, he burns the soul from Lorenzo’s twisted, malformed body. If he were a better man, a holy man, the flame burning inside Lorenzo’s eyes might be radiant.

But Caleb’s fire does not come from a god, or faith. It comes from the gnarled mass of brambles in his chest that was once a human heart, and it’s bloody, and it _burns_. And Caleb enjoys every sick second that Lorenzo writhes, as fire burns him from inside out.

Like insect eggs burrowing through his skin, Caleb’s fire bursts from Lorenzo’s eyes. Lorenzo screams and Caleb _enjoys_ it.

He likes the way that fire burns: in his chest, in his hands, in the eyes of his enemies. It scares him, this sick twisted part of him that smiles as Lorenzo's screams are swallowed by smoke.

Lorenzo is a monster, to be sure, but Caleb knows a monster dwells inside him, too. And maybe as Lorenzo crumbles into ash, Caleb is staring down the barrel of his future. One day, Caleb's fire might just immolate him and what will rise from the ashes?

In the end, all that is left is a withered, ashen husk.

It will never be enough, to repay Molly’s life. But it’s the only thing he can do.

People like him cannot perform miracles. He likes the way that fire burns.

 

v.

He stands on the deck of a ship, in a hostile city, far, far from home.

He has followed his friends, his _family_ to the ends of the earth, and their story will not end here.

Caleb has burned, and taken, and destroyed, and he is  _tired_.

Fire can't protect? Fire cannot save, and redeem, and heal? Fine. Then he will bend fire to his will.

 _Don’t you know, child? Fire only burns_.

 _Then watch me burn_ , Caleb says, and from the ashes arises a wall of flame stretching to the heavens. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can reach me at [aceyuurikatsuki](https://aceyuurikatsuki.tumblr.com/).


End file.
